I was checking Reddit the other morning when I saw a post in r/mtf with an odd title: “Does anyone else refuse to socialize due to being trans?” I wasn’t surprised to see several affirmative responses, but I hardly saw anyone saying that they did not feel that way. Ever the contrarian, I fired off a response about how my experience has been the opposite: I’ve made friendships and joined social groups due to my newfound trans identity, and spending time with more trans people has given me a confidence boost when it comes to existing in public spaces. I wanted to give this transitioner and other readers some hope and encouragement to find their peers so that they wouldn’t feel so alone.
I was not expecting the back-and-forth that followed. The OP responded, “I don’t enjoy the company of trans people[.]”
“Why is that?”
“I am not very fond of progressives or the LGBT community, of which most trans people identify as one or the other. I’ve had nothing but terrible experiences with both.”
…I’m not going to even try to explain here why it might be that trans people “identify with the LGBT community.” I started looking into the post history of the OP - which I should have done at the outset - and got the distinct impression that this user might not be trans at all, but was instead some sort of agent provocateur. Their post history showed them playing different sides of the political coin, and stirring the pot in LGBT subreddits as well as political subreddits. It didn’t seem like this person held any values strongly other than their personal need to depress mood and start shit. They were spreading FUD - fear, uncertainty, and doubt.
I was pissed to realize this. I had been duped. But why would anyone post such a thing in r/mtf? What could they possibly gain from starting a discussion about refusing to socialize due to being trans?
I think that these bigots are encouraging others to dwell on those feelings in order to bolster them in already vulnerable trans people. It looks innocuous enough - like a form of vulnerability - but by encouraging trans people to double down on feeling fragile and isolated, and painting a picture of spending time with other trans and queer people as “terrible experiences,” it makes it less likely that those people will come out of the closet, or find resources that they need to transition. It keeps them feeling scared, alone, and helpless. More permanent options start to look appealing. The bigots are weaponizing fragility in order to destroy trans lives.
Since this incident, I’ve spent some time looking for other writing on the subject. I read a blogpost titled Fatalism, Anomie, and LGBTQ Youth. The author posits two negative outcomes for LGBTQ youth faced by bigotry: fatalism, a feeling of asphyxiating constraint and lack of agency within society, and anomie, a feeling of aimlessness and exclusion from society. I also happened to take a research-driven internalized transphobia test around the same time, which (though problematic for a number of reasons, IMO) identifies four dimensions of internalized transphobia: “[lack of] pride in transgender identity, investment in passing as a cisgender person, alienation from other transgender people, and shame.” These are weak points that bigots exploit to subtly guide vulnerable people into fatalism: feeling trapped and resigned about their trans status, delaying their transition or detransitioning or worse - and anomie: feeling too isolated or unique to connect with others, rejecting society as a whole and becoming detached from community.
Pushing trans people in either of these directions prevents them from growing, finding friends and allies, and organizing. It’s a classic maneuver: divide and conquer. By normalizing the idea that trans people are fragile and helpless, our enemies quietly guide their victims down a lonely path of hopelessness, and it looks to the undiscerning eye like a natural outcome of being trans.
This disgusts me.
It is imperative that we as trans people form communities together. Real, flesh and blood communities, not quasi-social anonymous spaces like Reddit. When we come together, we are powerful and we give each other strength. We perform gender labor for each other and collectively grow together. We share love with each other. Internalized transphobia tries to undermine us, so it’s important that we find ways to spot it and call it out. And when we’re in community with each other and learn to be truly vulnerable with those who care for us, transphobia dissolves and we build each other up. It’s what the bigots are afraid of, and if anyone deserves to be afraid it’s them. So be vigilant, join together, keep fighting. You are stronger than you think.