You were the first person I knew to transition, so when I realized what I was up against I called you for advice. You said, “don’t ever expect to pass.” So I didn’t.
Instead, I focused on navigating visibility, on coming to terms with the bodily and mental changes I was experiencing, and I found that despite the difficulties of dysphoria and dysmorphia that I could make peace with my body.
I focused on finding other people like us, on making friends and acquaintances, on surrounding myself with queerness, and I learned that beauty extends far beyond the restrictive notion of passing.
I focused on understanding where we came from, on learning about our predecessors, on how attitudes have changed over the years, and I found that the old standard of stealth and passing was a double-edged sword created ostensibly to protect us, but also functioned to keep us separate and powerless.
I focused on organizing with others, on sharing care and resources, on moving beyond survival to true community, and I found my chosen family and love that I never expected.
You said, “don’t ever expect to pass.” At the time it stung, I took what you said personally. But now, at almost two years in, I see that it was the best advice you could have possibly given me.