Before the start of the year, I watched this video that recommended dropping New Year’s resolutions in favor of “themes.” A theme would guide your decision making over the course of the year, because any time you came to a decision you could weigh the choices against the theme and pick the most consistent one. I picked kindness - I said “2022 will be my year of kindness.” This small choice has led to such a great shift in the trajectory of my life that I never could have predicted.
The first person I had to be kind to was myself, which turned out to have some interesting repercussions! From there I tried to reevaluate my relationship with my spouse, my work, and further out in my social circle, through the lens of kindness. It hasn’t been easy, but I’m proud of the small changes that have started to add up. My theme has also given me the ability to better perceive the kindness I receive from others. The gratitude I experienced reading the supportive responses from family and friends as I came out this spring was the most intense that I ever felt.
When I joined my trans support group in May, I learned that their guiding principle was to be kind. This group gave me the chance to practice kindness on a regular basis with full intention. So much has followed from my time in the surrounding community, because I’ve been spending most of my time with people who value being kind.
Now that I’m helping moderate a large online space for trans people, I’m learning how communities must learn to be kind at scale. Sometimes kindness means confrontation, or clearly setting boundaries, even though it can be painful to talk through. It’s hard work looking for ways to propagate forward that value, but it’s so valuable for a space that values kindness to exist even for a tenuous second.
For the past week, I’ve felt like I’m failing to be a woman. I’m starting to look like a woman, and sound like a woman, but I have been worried that my behavior hasn’t changed significantly since starting transition. I know, “👏 all 👏 women 👏 are 👏 valid” but I haven’t felt valid, I’ve felt indistinct. Writing down this reflection on my year so far has reminded me of my theme, and of what I need to do in this situation. I need to be kind to myself again, be patient with myself and continue to pick kindness at the coming forks in the road. I can’t forget that the amount of kindness I have been able to muster in myself both ignited and sustains that pilot light of femininity burning inside of me. Choosing kindness is a small change to make in the moment, but it’s gotten me this far.